Today is the first day back at work after my camping holiday and what a drag it is.  It has been a while so what's changed since I've been away?  The introduction of the Boris bike, thanks to which I've already nearly been run over by cyclists on 3 occasions this morning.  For they are the bikes that seem to attract people who haven't been on a bike for the last 20 years and despite the saying 'it's like riding a bike – you never forget', these people clearly have forgotten, as they wobble around steering from left to right, cycling into the path of as many pedestrians as possible.  Unless that's their aim? Thank goodness for the cycling bells, for those who's aim it isn't, that's all I can say.  That ringing has saved my life at least once already today.
 
Everyone in the office, except my boss is excited to see me back and eager to hear tales of my camping adventures.  So I start with Freda the duck, our surfing trip and then move onto the adventure over the cows and a very detailed explanation of the reason we were unable to leave the campsite to come back to work.  'There were 17 of them in total.  A rare breed herd of cows blocking the exit road out of the campsite.  One was big, with massive brown eyes and the longest eyelashes of all the cows and this one stood at the front.  Then there was the smaller, brown and white spotted cow who stood behind it mooing.  A little bit like this – moo, moo.  Next to that one, is where the third cow would stand and this one made a different sound.  A deep bellowing moo, kind of like moooooo, moooooo, mooooo, moooooo...' I begin to explain.

My angry boss threatens no more holiday for the rest of the year and says that I can forget about my time booked off in a few weeks, but luckily there's the employment loophole at our office that protects me from this cruel abomination – that my next holiday is already booked.  Just one of the many benefits of booking your campsite online with Campingninja.com as it just so happens that I have a conveniently printed out copy of my booking confirmation in the top drawer of my desk, which when presented to my, who I'm now thinking I should be referring to as evil boss, ensures that any time off for holidays that are already booked will be granted.

This is when it all starts to get a bit nasty and my boss steps up her anger level.  In fact she's so, so angry.  I remember a tip from the 'how to deal with an unruly and irritating boss' training course I went on once before, run by Ted from accounts and held at the back of the car park.  We all paid a black market entrance fee of post its and Mars bars and left them in undisclosed carrier bags around the office for him to pick up when no one was looking.  His recommendation would be to throw the situation back at them.  So on this advice, I take great pleasure in reminding my boss of the time she was stuck in a traffic jam on the way into work and didn't make it in to the office until the afternoon, just like I had been unable to get back work.  My comments go down like a lead balloon with a hippopotamus tied to the end!  Is it the weekend yet?  Time to hire a Boris bike and make a quick getaway out of here I think!