Campingninja Blog

If you book a campsite with the Campingninja fresh local produce search function like we did, chances are you'll spend many afternoons immersed amongst fresh vegetables, hovering up and down the isles between the freshly squeezed apple juice and the home made pecan pies, amazed at the mouthwatering delights to be found in the farm shop, which for us is conveniently located just down the road from the campsite. To be more specific that's about a 2 minute walk away at a moderate ninja speed, or the distance of 15 cucumbers, 4 marrows and 36 runner beans away, give or take a cherry tomato.

But a word of warning - beware of some species fresh off the farm, like the Butternut Swan! Sitting quietly, nestled in a basket with all the butternut squash and acting all innocent as if butter wouldn't melt in its mouth.

I really tried hard to pick one squash out, but the Butternut Swan, so fiercely protective of its young kept trying to peck me with its beak!

Oh well, looks like I'll have to do barbecue roasted sweet potato instead and hope that nobody notices the difference in the much anticipated barbecue roasted butternut squash recipe. They are kind of the same once they're cooked, well, both orange. Hopefully nobody will notice. Will they be able to taste the difference? I'll just have to keep my fingers crossed and wait and see....

We've been playing hide and seek this afternoon and I thought I'd be able to use my ninja skills to my advantage. I'd been reading all about this 'uzura-gakure' famous ninja earth technique in my ninja book (How to be a Better Ninja) which is, according to chapter 2, 'the art of curling up into a ball and remaining motionless in order to appear like a stone'. I thought, well I'm too big get away with looking like a stone so aimed for a more convincing rock.

Morphed into my brilliant disguise, I could hear the count down from 100 begin. '99, 98, 97, 96, 95, 94'...... My heart was racing (and my ankles aching from squatting into a pretty unorthodox rock position). '6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, coming ready or not' they called.

Oh no, not ready, not ready! I wasn't ready at all by this time, as I had one foot poking out the side of my rock persona from stretching while I was waiting. Quick, tuck it back in before the others see I told myself. OK. Now wait... and wait I thought, hoping that it wouldn't be too obvious that it was me.

But I wasn't waiting very long because I was the first one to be found. Disastrous. We play hide and seek amongst the pine trees and tents and I go and choose an exposed, bare patch of grass to hide on, as a rock! So I stood out like a sore thumb. Note to self not to try the uzura-gakure trick again!

We all had our p p p p p p p p poker faces on tonight for a game of Camping Poker. After our game of Camping Twister the other week, I hope you're not thinking that we're game addicts, like we've launched ourselves into this camping casino or something, because that's not the case. Far from it in fact, as there's not a croupier or roulette table in sight. Although Suzie has been dressed like she works in a casino today. I thought it was weird at the time but I didn't want to say anything about it in case she was doing some kind of casino role play or something, but I think it was just an odd choice of fashion – waistcoat and a bow tie for camping – not exactly Millets best seller!

Huddled together in one of our tents the clandestine meeting began under the dimmed, low light of a flickering old torch hanging from the centre pole in the roof. To be honest, I could barely see!
 
Tensions were running high but with all bets placed, there could only be one winner. Yes!! I cried out, as I jumped up for joy – hitting my head on the roof of the tent and knocking the flickering torch sideways, creating an almost strobe lighting effect as I swept my winnings of the last Rolo into my ninja knapsack. Ummmm – I'll save that one for a rainy day I thought.....

1:32am – I don't hear any pitter pattering on the roof but just going to have a little peek outside to see if it's raining.....

Nope, not that rainy day just yet.

4:13am – Searching in the dark to try and get the Rolo out of my ninja knapsack. It's no good, I can't resist it anymore. Am going to have to eat it right now!

It's always good to have breakfast cooked by a friend, especially the morning after a hard nights camping merriment, but when there's egg shell in your fried egg butty, a line has been crossed and no matter how good a friend, the chef really needs be told (sorry Eric) – or do they?

It's one of those moments when time seems to stand still. All of us sitting here eating breakfast and like a frozen film clip, as if somebody has hit the pause button, I sit here motionless with a mouthful of fried egg and shell, deliberating what to do about it.

Sometimes it's just better not to say anything at all and I'm wondering whether this is one of those situations now. Should I just eat it and pretend the egg shell's not there, to be polite and not hurt anyone's feelings? 

If it wouldn't be so obvious I'd simply remove the egg shell from my mouth, but with Eric watching my every move, waiting for the seal of approval on his first go at cooking a camping breakfast it would be way too obvious. And I don't think even taking it out and pretending it's a loose tooth or disguising it with some kind of impromptu coughing fit would work on this occasion.

…. A glance at my watch tells me that in fact, time hasn't been standing still at all. Maybe for me, but in reality 11 whole minutes have passed and everyone else has finished eating their breakfast and are probably wondering why the ninja sitting in the corner has only taken one bite and has been sitting in silence, with cheeks puffed out like a hamster and a mouthful of food for so long.

If I was the chef, by now I'd almost definitely be thinking, oops, did I get some egg shell in there when I made the breakfast? And would've said something or taken the plate away and put the food in the bin to rescue the poor egg shelled eater. But not Eric. His beady eyes are still watching me, patiently waiting, hopeful that I'm going to pass a verdict and announce that his breakfast is delicious. But it's not!

And now it's been 12 minutes! So it looks like I'll have to be brave and eat it regardless of the fact that I'm sure egg shell must really be inedible....

Gulp!

The unsaid truth, just between you and me - it was damn crunchy! No further comment.

I just arrived back at my tent and I was so, so angry at what I saw. I couldn't even go in there. But I thought, no, wait, deal with the situation calmly, you're a ninja after all. So I composed myself, took a deep breath and walked slowly into the tent... and shouted... 'ANTS, GET OUT OF MY TENT!'


....It didn't work. They're still in here now.

We were just eating our breakfast this morning when bizarrely, as I've never had it happen to me before – I always thought it was a female trait and I'm still not sure why it happened - I had the undying urge for some 'me' time.

So I went off on my own for a walk in the woods and knowing what my sense of direction is like, I used a tried and tested method from long ago, that I vaguely remembered from my wee ninjahood to make sure I'd be able to find my way back again without getting lost.

I'd loaded up my ninja knapsack with bread that I'd borrowed from Eric at breakfast. Well, it wasn't strictly borrowing as I wasn't planning on giving it back afterwards (although he probably would have still eaten it if he'd been given the chance), but I don't like to say that I took it without asking as that could be confused with stealing. And we all know that people who steal bread can get their hands chopped off which isn't very helpful for putting up tents! So the way I see it, and I'm sure Eric would think of it in this way too, is that as he wasn't looking at the time, I kindly helped him clear the bread from his plate. It was all very innocent you see and much needed for my navigation skills as I used it to drop a breadcrumb with every step I took, leaving a trail of breadcrumbs behind me like those old adventurers Hansel and Gretel. Genius!

A long walk later and having had all the space I needed to clear my head, I started feeling a little bit peckish so I figured it must be nearing lunch time and so time to head back to camp. I turned around and off I went, hurriedly walking along at a speedy pace, fuelled by my hunger and wondering what exciting things we'd be having for lunch (hoping that it wasn't going to be sandwiches), as I followed the path of breadcrumbs.

I couldn't have been walking for longer than 5 minutes when the trail of breadcrumbs came to a grinding halt. As I looked down at the end of the trail at my feet, I heard a loud quack as something scurried into the bushes and hid very noticeably behind a tree, with its large bottom sticking out from either side. A duck had been eating all my breadcrumbs and there was not a crumb left in sight.

Phew! I had been thinking of using a packet of my favourite space raiders to lay the trail but I was so glad I didn't. All I could think about when I saw that the bread had been eaten was thank goodness the crisps were safe! Then I remembered that without the bread I wasn't entirely sure which way to get back home. Was it down the path on the left or up the hill on the right?

I guessed these things might only work out as happy endings in fairy tales and so not to run the risk of bumping into a witch at a gingerbread house, I ran back at super fast ninja speed, in the direction of the smoke and the smell of barbecues, hoping to find my way back to the campsite before being eaten by a witch!

We went out to a party last night that was being held in a big dance tent, which was only a short walk away from the campsite, on the way there, and a much longer walk on the way back after a few pints of the local brew.

It just so happens that the song the DJ was playing as we arrived was the Die Antwoord - 'Enter the Ninja' song! Now is that just a coincidence or is that what you call making an entrance in true ninja style?! It made my night anyway and the DJ even did a re-rewind and played it twice in a row – music to my ears. Spread the ninja love DJ!

Lyrically the song's not really me and who knows what they are saying? I haven't got a clue. It's a completely different dialect to the ninja that I speak and he is much more of a fierce ninja than I am, but I like it! And yes, I did do the dance. You know, the butterfly arms and the ninja moves – I think I managed to pull it off as well!

I don't know all the words and I kind of like to make up my own, and the song is about a Samurai and I'm a Camping Ninja so I change the words to Camping Ninja and make it more like me. It's a bit of a mouthful to squeeze in the extra word, so you have to say the 'Camping Ninja' part very, very fast at ninja speed!

So I sing like la la la la la la la, enter the Camping Ninja. Sing it with me if you know this one...

I am a Camping Ninja
Blah blah blah blah blah blah a Camping Ninja
When I was a boy I wanted to be a ninja
Now I am a man, now I am a Camping Ninja
Fight like a ninja (actually, I've never tried!)
Camp like a ninja
Look like a ninja
I am a Camping Ninja
La, la, laa, laa laa laa la la la la la la la ooh wee - Oh no, wrong song! I've got myself in the mix. I must still be drunk from last night. Where's the DJ with the song to save my life?

If you want to dance along yourself too, you can check it out here...


It does have the love it or hate it Marmite effect, but it's the ninja song of the moment and they don't come around very often, so being a ninja, I've got to love it. And in my eyes, nothing will ever be as bad as the Carrot Tempura the other night!

P.S. Yes all the butterflies at the campsite, I will protect you.